Davidji has challenged me to have a theme for each month. My February theme is “understanding”. It is a profound gift to be fully present with someone, and yet, it’s something I want to truly offer those in my life. How often do I only half-listen, my minds already formulating my next words, distracted by my own thoughts, or zoning out entirely. How often do I listen and then interrupt and offer “advice” when the person just needed someone to hold space for them. Making someone feel seen, heard, and understood is the loudest way to love them.
I used to think that communication was key until I realized comprehension is. I can communicate all I want to someone, but if they don’t understand me, it won’t reach them the way I need it to. Same is true the other way around. If I do not take the time to understand what is communicated to me, then I am missing the point of the communication.
The more we elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate. In our tech society, I think we have lost the ability to communicate. Everything is reduced to short texts and under some unwritten rule, one must respond to a text with within seconds. There is no room for nuance. It is hard to express irony or hyperbole because the person does not see my expression or heard the tone of my voice. Communication of emotion is reduced to an emoji or “OMG”. George Orwell once said: “The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood”.
It is my perception that I feel truly understood by someone when I experience a connection that goes beyond words. It’s when someone looks into my eyes and sees the parts of me that I have kept hidden—the scars, the dreams, the doubts—and chooses to stay. It’s when someone not only hears my words but also feels the emotions behind them. It’s the moment when I realize I don’t have to explain myself; they already understand.
This month I will look at the components of “understanding”. I believe they include “active listening”, and “holding space. How can I become a better “listener”. I will also look at compassion and empathy. Is there a difference between compassion and empathy? So, as I work through this theme of “understanding” I will be guided by the sage wisdom of Ram Dass:
“When you know how to listen everybody is the guru.”
~ Ram Dass
