If I am going to be “impeccable in my word”, I have found that I need to use a process to gain clarity about how I feel, identify what I need, and take responsibility to consciously communicate my needs to another person. The process is out lined in Marshall Rosenberg’s book “Nonviolent Communication” called conscious communication. Its simplicity allows me to try to communicate effectively especially during those time when emotions begin to intensify. Here are the steps:
What happened? I should just state the facts versus my interpretations. I need to distinguish between the present moment observation and my past-colored evaluations or wistful unfulfilled hopes what life should be or my expectations rooted in anxieties of the future.
What am I feeling? Describe how I feel, choosing words that describe only the emotion and avoid victimization words. What emotions are arising in me? Language creates emotional reality and I need to refrain from projecting responsibility for my feelings onto someone else. This reduces the language of victimization.
What do I need that I’m not receiving? Identify the need I have that isn’t being met (attention, affection, appreciation, acceptance which will be discussed later). I should make my request with a level of respect, rather than a demand. I need to describe behaviors vs. states.
What is the gift or opportunity in this situation? Observe what I benefited from the practice of this process.
Below is a sample list. Marshall Rosenberg’s book has a much more detailed analysis and list.
