For my theme for April, I have chosen “The Second Agreement. In his book “The Four Agreements,” Don Miguel Ruiz’s Second Agreement is “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” This means not interpreting everything that happens to you as a personal attack or an insult. It means recognizing that other people’s behavior results from their own beliefs, experiences, and emotions rather than a commentary on my worth as a person.
Conversely whatever people do, feel, think, or say positively, I also don’t take it personally. If they tell me how wonderful I am, they are not saying that because of me. I know I am wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell me that me I am wonderful.
When I take things personally, I give other people the power to control my emotions and my thoughts. Taking things personally can be a significant source of suffering in my life. I become trapped in a cycle of negativity and self-doubt, seeking validation and approval from others instead of trusting in my inherent worth and value.
The key to not taking anything personally is understanding that everyone lives in their dream. We all have our own beliefs, perceptions, and ways of seeing the world. When someone says or does something that seems hurtful or offensive, it is often a reflection of their own delusion rather than a reflection of who I am. Taking things personally makes me easy prey for these predators. They can hook me easily with one little opinion and feed me whatever poison they want, and because I take it personally, I eat it up. Humans can be addicted to suffering at different levels and to different degrees. But if you do not take it personally, I am immune to this collective need to suffer.
When I can detach from the need for approval or validation from others, I can start to trust in our own worth and value. I can also begin to practice empathy and compassion, recognizing that other people are struggling and doing their best to navigate their own dreams and experiences. By not taking anything personally, I can free myself from the burden of other people’s opinions and judgments. I can start living on my own terms, following my own path, and being true to myself, rather than seeking approval or validation from others.
This month as I feel hurt or offended by something someone says or does, I can practice the “pause” and take a moment to remember that their behavior is not about me. Instead, I can focus on staying true to myself and living my own dream. By not taking things personally, I can create a more peaceful and fulfilling life, free from the negativity and self-doubt that often comes with taking things personally.
